A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
