I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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