Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
