i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
