I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
