I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
