we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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