in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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