Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
