A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
wow bdsm is so cute
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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