Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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