I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
