I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
