my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
