I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
4 words: hood of his car
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
