I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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