oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So vagazzling was a success
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
