Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
