I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
