I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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