Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
