Is it normal to miss your booty call?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
