i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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