her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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