I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
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Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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