Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
