im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
no, he came in my armpit
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
