it wasn't lemon gatorade
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
