did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
