I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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