He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
