Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
