she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
As shirtless as possible
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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