Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
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Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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