someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
