i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I want her autograph on my taint
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
