my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize