The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
