Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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