I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
