I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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