So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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