i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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