so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
