She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
