things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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