Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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