the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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