The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
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I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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