i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
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I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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