Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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