I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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