Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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