I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
