dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
