Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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