We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
