i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I supernannyed him into submission
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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