how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
