So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
