Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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