You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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