I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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