proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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