HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
