pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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