I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
