I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
