What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
