I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
