im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
