i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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