I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
