i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
