I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
