So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
