I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
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I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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