I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
