I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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