Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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