right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
