A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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